Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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