I've blown a few things in my day
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
