I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
