It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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