I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
