I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
