We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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