You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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