Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
