I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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