So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
