When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
