I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
