Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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