I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think I sprained my soul last night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
