Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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