I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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