Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
