So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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