I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
