so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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