I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
