Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
