Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
