Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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