Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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