I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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