Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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