bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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