Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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