dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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