Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
