Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
