I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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