I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
