we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
