ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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