He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
