a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
