it wasn't lemon gatorade
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
