I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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