My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My balls are so social today.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
