were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
