just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
