My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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