Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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