he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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