thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
