i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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