Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
