Can i not drive my cunt home
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
