Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
