were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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